Tuesday, October 20, 2009

"Georgia, Georgia, the whole day through..."

"Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind."
(Georgia On My Mind, Michael Buble)

I think Georgia is just a placeholder. I mean, lots of people really love this song. I really, REALLY love this song. And let's face it, hearing Michael Buble sing the very first "Georgia" in his version (I have yet to buy the cd, and I'm hearbroken until I get it) makes me float away into a fantasy world where Michael and I are walking down the aisle. (Irony much, Mer?)
Back to the placeholder theory:
Everyone, everywhere has the name of a person or place that they can insert into the song. There is always someone you can't get off your mind. Sometimes it's a good thing... sometimes it's not a good thing.
I'm completely addicted to the fact that a song, a 3-minute piece of artistic genius has the ability to snap one back in time and hold us there. It's crazy. But it's awesome at the same time.

Monday, October 12, 2009

"The beating of my heart was so violent and wild..."

"... that I felt as if my life were breaking from me." (Charles Dickens; Bleak House)

We just finished reading Bleak House in Victorian Novel a couple of weeks ago. At first, I looked at the size of the book, and I couldn't believe my eyes. I mean, yes, of course I read the Harry Potter books that were longer than BH, but still, it was Dickens, for the love of all that's holy. I mean, really. Just Dickens.
The first 300 hundred pages killed me. Literally. I was lucky if I got the readings done before class started; it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. Then, something happened. It was just like reading Pride and Prejudice, (only about 4 times the length) I was sucked into the story of Esther, the wards in Jarndyce, Mr. Woodcourt, and the ever-annoying, ever-adorable Mr. Guppy.
In the end, the novel was just like anything else I've ever read: despite the fact that it was written AGES ago (1852-1853), it was incredibly informing on my current life. And my past life. And the things I'll do in the future.
1. Being self-deprecating is not beneficial to one's well-being. And annoying. And will make people hate you. (Case in point: Esther Summerson/Woodcourt.)
2. Getting sucked up in affairs that have no bearing on your current lifestyle will destroy you. Pay attention to the things that matter now. (I.E. Richard and Ada Carstone.)
3. Be proud of the life you live. Everyone makes mistakes. Trying to hide them will only cause trouble. The people that really love you will never leave you. (The Sweet Sir Leister and Lady Dedlock.)
I suppose that the big lightbulb that classical literature is begging me to turn on is this:
Just because a novel is long, and old, and potentially mind-numbing doesn't mean that I shouldn't give it a chance. Even if it took him almost 1,000 pages, a bajillion characters, and 2 separate narrators, Dickens had some pretty cool stuff to say.
- sigh - It's just another day in the life of an English major.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Heartsick and headsore.

Do you ever get heartsick? I'm talking, honest-to-goodness aching pain in your chest kind of heartsick. The kind that makes you feel like there's a hole in there somewhere, the exact place that a hole is not supposed to be.
I don't like to moan about love. Really, I don't. I strive to live by the theory that I am: 1) not in control and 2) perfect without a boyfriend/spouse/thing. I have been, the past, oh, six months or so, been doing an excellent job. I am surrounded by amazing friends, I stay way too busy, and I love my family. The last six weeks, however, have been a completely different story.
It is an exaggeration to say that "Everyone else is happy!" The truth of the matter is that, no, everyone is not happy all the time. But, regardless of this truth, sometimes it can't help but seem that way. Even if they are single, then they are single and happy and not single and holey, which is my current state.
I'm not even 100% sure what my real problem is, but I think that part of it centers around this fact: I want to be young when I have children. Right now, I am 20 years old and while I know I'm not ready to have them RIGHT NOW, within the next five years or so would be nice. However, it stands to reason that having children is hard when you're alone and then when you aren't alone, there's the small matter of a ring before the actual trying can begin.
Part of it also has to do with the fact that I've never been that girl that guys date. I have had two boyfriends, and been seriously in love once. I have also attended all major dances and functions alone (even when I've done the asking) and never been asked out on a date. I don't think I'm asking for a husband RIGHT NOW, but having someone would be nice. Scratch that - having someone would be amazing.
I don't want to sound like a whining six-year-old. Some days it just hurts.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

All Jesus asks is "What do you have?" and "Will you give it to me?"

The symphonic choir sang in chapel yesterday. Normally, I'm out the back door when we're done, because it seems that we sing at the times when I'm most pressed for time. But yesterday, for whatever reason, call it laziness, call it the Holy Spirit, I decided to stay.
Recently I've been dealing with my life choices. Why did I declare English and History? Why am I going to Iowa for this internship? What in the world am I going to do when I graduate?
Before college, it was Chemistry. I was going to do medical research to benefit allergy sufferers, especially those like myself who deal with idiopathic reactions (those that happen for no reason at all, the body just begins rejecting itself). After the first semester of my freshman year, I became a proud member of the College of the Undecided. Over the summer, I knew I was going to declare English, but had no idea what I was going to do with it. During the fall of my sophomore year and an amazing Cold War History class, I decided that History and English was the plan for me. Then I decided that I was going to be a lawyer. That was that.
Full steam ahead: LSAT books, law schools, night law schools, costs, intern opportunities.
Screeching the breaks: How in the name of peace am I going to afford law school?
Can I really spend all this time and money working with people who are only concerned with getting their money and keeping it? Is this where my path is leading me?
Where is your will, God? I can't see anymore. I can't make these decisions on my own. What if I choose wrong?

This brings me back to chapel.
The speaker yesterday was a representative from the International Justice Mission. (www.ijm.org) They are dedicated specifically to seeking out those victims of injustice all over the worlds and striving to make a difference in theirs lives. Be they children sold into slavery in India, or young girls being kidnapped into brothels in China, they address it all. They get results. These are graduates of law schools, working in tangent with local governments in order to prevent these awful things from happening. These people didn't go to law school for the money and they aren't working in order to get offered a position as partner. Sitting there, in that pew, it hit me.
"What do you have?" A passion for those in need and a desire to make a difference.
"Will you give to me?" Yes.