Honest and true.
After about two years of spiritual stagnation (since the death of my grandfather in early 2008), I have reached a breaking point. Is it due to the fact that my entire family moved out of my house and I am now responsible for the upkeep of it, as well as the two other living things that live with me (dalmations, of course)? Is it helped along by the fact that since September of 2009, we've been fighting a constant battle against my Grandmother's kidneys and have almost lost her multiple times? Is it reactionary to all the change that consistently rocks my life?
While I can't point out a specific reason for why I had stopped praying completely (except for those moments when you can't help but think, "Oh God, oh God, oh God", but not much else) and didn't read my bible (with the exception of Sunday mornings), I can point out when the turn around occurred.
This past weekend I was at Ridgecrest for the annual Holston Baptist Youth Conference. My youth group goes every year, and even though there is no longer a session for college students (because they started a new retreat for them), I now get to go as a chaperon/leader-in-training, if you will. Normally I get a little refreshed and then head home for more of the same. This year, however, things went a little differently for me. The main session speaker was Clayton King (and he was amazing), and on Saturday evening, the topic of his lesson was relationships. Now, typically, this wouldn't apply to me (seeing as how it's been 4 years since I've been in one), but at the end of the night, he made an offer to the crowd.
"I am presenting to you a challenge, ladies and gentlemen. If you are one of those people that I just talked about, the ones in the unhealthy, unGodly relationships, then this is for you. Take a year off. Seriously. Take a year off and DON'T DATE. Just expand your relationship with Christ instead. That way, when the year is up, you'll know what a healthy relationship looks like and how to maintain it."
And I got to thinking. Am I in a relationship currently? No. At least, not as everyone else would view it. However, I am emotionally attached to someone. Someone that I know very well. Someone I'm crazy about. Someone who is completely UNAVAILABLE. And how many times has this really happened to me? At least a couple of times a semester. And how many times do I build it up in my head, and look for those "romantic moments" and make an utter fool out of myself? At least a couple of times a semester. Then, something clicked.
Don't you think it's time to get emotionally attached to someone different? Someone that can provide you with everything you'll ever need to be fulfilled? Someone who knows the plans in store for you and promises that, if you walk in His way, he will bring them to fruition?
So, I stood up. And from now until March 28, 2011, I will not date in the typical way, nor will I get emotionally attached to the member of the opposite sex. I'm choosing instead to focus on the person that knows the plans for the next phase in my life. And come graduation, because I've only been considering that one being, I know I'll be in the will for my life.
Will it be hard? Pretty sure it will be.
Can I do it? In Christ I can do anything.
So wish me luck, all two of you that read this.